I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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