I'm lost and stupid without you.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Randomize
