Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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