I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
