i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
