speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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