I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
