I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
