Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
he high fived his dick after we had sex