If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!