How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
