He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.