you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
