it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
