forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
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You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
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is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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