so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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