Dude my mom stole all your condoms
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
