Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
And then my night got REAL pukey
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
