How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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