I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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