So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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