Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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