mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just saw a hot homeless man
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Randomize
