This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
