The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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