So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
