Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
