Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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