I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
