Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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