It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
