then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You may now shotgun with the bride
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
