i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Randomize
