i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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