he puts the penis in happiness.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
