i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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