3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize