I'll bet she douches with gravy.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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