get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
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