I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
