I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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