It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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