I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize