I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize