and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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