Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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