I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize