Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
