just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
This baby is an asshole
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Randomize
