he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
