god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
