Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
