He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
