i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize