I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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