The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
We got so high we made milksteak
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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