she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
