We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
