In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
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when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
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Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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