I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
