Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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