Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
it's like heaven, but drunker
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
