JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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