This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
