Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize